Life in the Black
by Mariuslover66
Summary: River has feelings for Mal and Mal...is clueless! How DOES the captain feel for his little Albatross?


AN: Those who have read my previous stories know that i have never done this before...so this is my very first shot at firefly/serenity fanfics! I love the pairing of Mal and River (i really don't know why but somehow i just can't invision him with anyone else...maybe Nandi if she had lived...hmm) anyway i hope those who read enjoy!

Disclaimer: *sigh* i suppose...no i don't own Firefly...if i did it would still be around and we'd all get to watch Mal in his wonderfully tight pants hehe

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><p>Mal sighed as <em>Serenity <em>took off smoothly. For once a job had gone smooth...it may have been due to the fact that River had been kind enough to join them on the job. Somehow her being less crazy helped her ability to read people. She had better control over the ability but still found herself reading the people around her from time to time. Mal had gotten used to her occationally reading his thoughts and answering questions before he could even ask them. "Hey isn't this my job?" River asked as she stepped into the helm. Mal chuckled and shrugged.

"Usually lil 'Tross but I wanted ta be in the Black as soon as possible. Sorry i didn't wait. Ya can land when we go planet side." she pouted at him playfully but took the co-pilot seat.

"I'll hold you to that Captain Reynolds." she teased and he smiled.

"Alritey Albatross." and they fell silent, comfortable in each other's presence. After awhile he set the ship to autopilot and looked at her. "So...how've ya been feelin' 'Tross?" she gave him a curious look but at the look in his knowing eyes she understood.

"Clear...better since Miranda. I function like I'm a girl and it makes me happy because i know it's not temperary anymore. I'm normal." she smirked. "As normal as a mind reader can be i guess." she smiled gently and nodded.

"Good ta hear." River grinned.

"I can control my reading better now. Secrets stay secrets unless I have to look...though some people are really loud." she cringed. Mal knew she ment Jayne usually but she had sometimes told him that he thought to loudly on occation. Those had been interesting conversations.

"Have I been thinking too loud again 'Tross?" she shook her head.

"Jayne. You're quiet. Even when you are loud I can block it enough for it to be a little buzz." Mal nodded.

"Well that's good ta hear." she paused.

"I did hear one thing." Mal looked at her questioningly. "About Inara...you're unsure of how you feel for her. You like her but know she will never give up being a Companion, and you, rightly might i add, don't like the idea of her having sex with other men whilst being in a relationship with you." Mal looked away to stare into the Black.

"Yeah lil one. That's how i feel. I know 'Nara expects that we would maybe try but I'm not sure i want to. I respect her but if she's gonna be with me...she's gonna be with only me." he sighed. "But that's not how she works." River nodded.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intude Mal." he shrugged.

"River ya cna't help it. I'm told i'm loud when i think." he smiled slightly. "Feng-le girl, can't blame ya for somethin' that's my fault." she nodded and sighed.

"You should talk to her." she said softly. Mal nodded and went to stand. "Be nice." he smirked.

"Imma mean old man 'Tross, I can't be nice." she shook her head.

"Not really Mal. I think I'd know." He chuckled and kissed her forehead as he did everytime he went to leave a conversation.

"I'll see ya later my lil 'Tross." warmth filled River at his endearment. "Thanks." she nodded and watched him leave.

"Bye..." she stared at his retreating back. "I wish you could hear my thoughts...it'd make everything easier." she groaned.

"Mei-mei?" she looked up as Simon walked in and blushed.

"Simon." he sighed.

"You like him." she nodded slightly. Simon sighed. "Wo da ma mei-mei." she winced at his tone. "He could be your father!" she scoffed that wasn't true in the slightest so River glared at him.

"Simon he's not interested in me." she snapped and looked away. "Besides would you prefer it was JAYNE i was interested in?" the doctor grimaced and looked away.

"But why him?" she blinked slowly, trying to think of the right sentence. There were really so many reasons why...but what would make sense to her sometimes thick headed brother?

"When has he ever given me a reason to hate him?" she asked softly. " When has he asked me to do something i didn't want or be something i'm not? When has he ever misused me or given the Alliance the chance to get me back?" she grew quieter. "I wouldn't be this way...if not for him. Isn't that reason enough?" Simon was speachless.

"Mei-mei." she smiled sadly.

"Relax Simon...he doens't like me that way I think I'd know. I'm just the lil 'Tross." and she walked away to go to the cargo hold to practice dancing. The physical labor always made difficult thoughts go away for a short time.

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><p>Mal sighed as he walked up to the door of the ship's resident Companion. He knocked steadily and waited. Inara opened the door looking effortlessly beautiful but Mal couldn't shake the feeling that he was being lied to. She was SUPPOSED to look beautiful for her job. With all that makeup and her expensive clothes and perfumes...the whole thing was practically a lie. His mind thought of River and her natural beauty, her extrodinary grace. "Mal?"<p>

"'Nara... I need ta talk ta ya." she gave him a slightly worried look and let him in.

"Sure Mal, what's wrong?" He sighed and looked at her.

"Ya know that fer a long time I've had feelin's for ya 'Nara. Fer a long time I've wanted ya ta understand how I've felt 'bout ya but..." he spun away growling. "Ni ta ma da...'Nara it's killin' me to say this but we can't be tagether." Inara gave him a shocked look.

"Shen me? Mal what do you mean?" she turned him to face her.

"'Nara neither of us wanna change fer the other. Would ya be with only me? Would ya honestly give up bein' a Companion?" she froze and tried to say 'yes' but she couldn't. Mal nodded slowly. "See." and looked to the floor. "'Nara I like ya but I ain't the sharin' kind." Inara nodded, tears gathering in her eyes.

"I know...but..can't we try?" Mal shook his head.

"We'd be doin' ourselves a kindness if we didn't. I am sorry 'Nara. I ain't tryin' ta hurt ya but I ain't dancin' 'round anymore tryin' ta figure out what ya want from me." she nodded and sighed.

"Ok Mal...thanks for telling me." he nodded and left quietly. When the door closed he walke dto the railing and sighed. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw movement. River danced into view, eyes closed and humming an unreconizable tune. Despite being alone, the reader pretended she had a partner and danced with grace and persision Inara could only dream of. Mal's mouth when dry as he watched her and slowly reconized the dance. It was a waltz with simple steps he could remember from boyhood but River made them seem like so much more. From the look on her face he could tell something was bothering her. He walked down the steps and cleared his throat. River opened her eyes and smiled at him, never pausing her steps.

"Mind if i cut in lil 'Tross?" she shook her head and he took her into his arms, leading her into the dance with confidence. She giggled when he spun her then pulled her back to him. When he looked down he saw her eyse were closed again with that content smile he liked to see, still humming the tune from before. "Hey where are you right now Albatross?" he asked gently and she sighed.

"Listening Mal...the heartbeat creates a song, the breathing a melody, the voice creates the backround and she listens. It's quiet." she sighed again and blinked. "Sorry." Mal smiled.

"Don't 'pologize 'Tross. Ya of all people deserve some quiet." he reasoned. It couldn't be easy to live with other people's burdens, other people's secrets broadcasted into your brain.

"It is hard." she answered and looked away. "Even though I'm more stable...it's hard to block out the noise sometimes. There's no one to focus on. No one's quiet really." she grimaced. "It's like people are screaming but nobody's lips are moving. It makes me feel feng-le all over again." Mal stopped them.

"'Tross." Tears welled up into her beautiful eyes. "Hey, listen ta me. Yer a ruttin' tian cai an' there ain't anyone in the 'Verse that could make me think different. Dong ma?" she nodded.

"Shi Cap'n." she answered and Mal brushed the fallen tears from her face gently.

"Good. Ya lil kuang zhe de. We don't want ya any other way...we're used ta ya by now." he chuckled and she laughed, hitting his shoulder before he hugged her. "If it get's too loud focus of me. Nothin' goin' on up there anyway." she giggled amd shook her head.

"Mal you're smarter than you give yourself credit for." He gave her that lopsided grin that made her heart race and her face heat.

"Thanks 'Tross glad someone on this boat thinks so." He kissed her forehead like usual before going to the helm. River sighed and watched him go.

"No...thank you Mal." she looked up at Inara, knowing the Companion had been watching. Her thoughts were screaming of hurt, anger, betrayal and confusion. River rubbed her forehead, trying to stop her forming headache. "Assuming leads to disaster." she said darkly and the Companion's eyes widened.

"Shen me?" River glared.

"Mal sin't the barbarian you so fondly call him...and he's not some personal pet you can goad into waiting until you can make up your mind, but don't look for things that aren't there." she advised and Inara looked shamefaced.

"Sorry." she muttered and River rolled her eyes, walking away to the infermery to see her brother. Oncer she was far enough away, she gripped her head, tears building into her eyes at the pain. It felt like everyone was screaming and ripping at her skull. Kaylee rushed over to her.

"Mei-mei what's wrong?" she asked softly and River whimpered.

"Loud." Kaylee's eyes widened in understanding.

"Our thoughts?" she nodded, tears now streaming down her face. Kaylee nodded and ran to get Simon. "Ai-ren your mei-mei needs you." the doctor ran out to see his sister on the floor crying. He knelt by her.

"Mei-mei what's wrong? What happened?" she sobbed.

"Loud!" and Simon nodded.

"I'll get a smoother." he ran back and grabbed the medication as Kaylee guided her younger friend to the infermery. Minutes after the injection, her eyes drooped and Simon caught his sister with ease. Kaylee ran ahead and opened the door to her room so Simon could put her to bed. "Thanks bao-bei." He smiled and kissed her.

"Any time. River is my family too now." Simon grinned at her and they went to the kitchen for dinner. Mal frowned when River didn't take her seat.

"Where's our lil 'Tross?" he asked and Simon frowned.

"Had to give her a smoother. She was reading people so loudly that she began crying because it hurt so bad." Mal's knuckles went white. "She sleeping it off now." He nodded and Inara looked away feeling guilty. She'd wanted to make the reader hurt, her anger and jelousy clouded her judgement to bad to realize that she was physically hurting the younger woman. She hadn't needed a smoother for months.

"We could all learn some blocking techniques so we won't be so loud." Zoe supplied and Simon smiled at her.

"I'm sure she's apprisiate that." Jayne sniffed indignantly.

"I don't see why we can't think as we please just cuz crazy says we think too loud." Mal glared.

"She can't help if she can read what's comin' outta yer head. She doesn't want our secrets cuz she pulled them outta our heads. She wants ta be normal." Simon nodded.

"That's all she's ever really wanted." Mal nodded in reply.

"It ain't her fault the Alliance cut on her and used 'er for a guinea pig. After all that's happened I'd think she deserves a lil more respect than that Jayne'" the mercenary grumbled but nodded. The captan had a point. She'd faught for the truth of Miranda and to protect their home. She kept them safe from Reavers and helped keep jobs from going south. One way or another, they owed River their lives.

"We can get used to it, be have before." Zoe supplied and finished her meal. "It's a much deserved kindness. I'll ask her whe she wakes up." Mal nodded and continued eating. After, he piled food onto a clean plate and stood.

"I'll go check on the lil 'Tross." he assured and went down to the dorms. Everyone began leaving until it was just Simon and Inara.

"Do you think he loves her?" she asked, her voice quivering. Simon shrugged.

"Hard to tell but I can say that he cares. What if he does? Do they not deserve to be happy?" the Companion shrugged.

"I...it should be me." she whispered. Simon nodded.

"And if you were in any other profession, I'm sure that it would be. But he wants someone he knows is only with him, loves him. You won't change, he won't change. Is it unreasonable to let him go when you know it wouldn't work out?" he asked gently. "Is it really fair to claim him, sleep with numerous men and women and expect him to live souly for you?" she let out a small laugh.

"I'd hoped." Simon shook his head.

"Don't hurt my mei-mei." he warned. "Mal makes his own choices and is stubborn, but he helps her. If he loves her...I will support them. I think you need to get ahold of yourself. It's more than a little selfish." and went to see Kaylee.

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><p>Mal knocked gently. "'Tross you awake?" he called and River grunted. Opening the door, he went over to her bed and sat down. "Hey there darlin'. How ya feelin'?" she gave a weak smile.<p>

"A little better. Head's foggy." he took her hand.

"Focus on me lil one." he encouraged gently and she did as was told. The buzzing stopped and he mind cleared some. "Better?" she nodded slightly.

"Thank you Mal." he smiled lopsidedly and her heart warmed.

"Any time lil one." she smiled in return and sat up. "Oh this is for you. Figured ya'd be needin' somethin' ta eat once ya woke." she nodded with a wide smile.

"Yes thank you." and ate slowly. They fell into easy silence and River relaxed, reveiling in the complete silence after all the noise. Mal watched her with a contented smile, happy the young reader was feeling better.

"The crew and I've decided to learn some blockin' techniques so we're not so loud." he informed her and River blinked in surprise.

"You don't have to." he smirked.

"I'm not sayin' it'll work lil one but they've all agreed ta try...'cept 'Nara." she frowned but nodded.

"She is free to make her own choices as always." she replied in understanding. Simon entered and smiled at her.

"Feeling any better mei-mei?" she nodded slightly.

"Yes thank you." he nodded and smoothed her hair back from her face. "Have you eaten enough?" he asked and she gave a half a shrug.

"Yes." Simon took the plate and looked at Mal.

"We have to talk." Mal gave him a confused look and River looked worried.

"Simon?" the doctor hushed her.

"It's nothing mei-mei." she didn't believe him. Mal squeezed her hand gently.

"It's alright lil Albatross, yer brother ain't killed me yet. I'll be back ok?" she nodded and he kissed her forehead before leaving. River blushed and Simon pinned her with a look.

"Are you sure?" River rolled her eyes.

"Yes Simon...you boob." he chuckled and closed the door.

"What do ya need?" Mal asked and Simon sighed.

"River thinks that she has feelings for you." the doctor knew beating around the bush wouldn't get them anywhere. Mal felt like he'd been hit in the gut.

"Fer me? Since when?" he shrugged.

"Probably since Miranda. She says you don't underestimate her, you don't treat her like a breakable, strange...thing." Simon sighed. "I don't know, she just told me that she has feelings for you." Mal swallowed hard.

"Huh..."then shook his head. "But...I'm so..." Simon frowned.

"Not right for her...I know." Mal glared.

"Why wouldn't I ber right fer our lil 'Tross? Cuz I'm not a doctor? Cuz I'm a theif?" Simon winced.

"Well..." Mal growled.

"I dont' give a good _gorram_ what ya personally think 'bout my profession Doc but it keeps me in the Black, keeps us all from the Allience and ya know it puts our bellies full. So ya can say all ya want 'bout it but then ya wouldn't have that stocked infermery now would ya?" Simon gulped and nodded.

"Though your character flaws make me question you, I know that you're a reasonably descent person...what intensions do you hae towards my sister?" Mal's mouth went dry.

"Shen me?" Simon rolled his eyes like he was talking to a child.

"It's obvious that you have some inclination towards my sister. I just don't know what that inclination is." Mal grunted and tried to think.

"I'm unsure myself Doc." Simon rolled his eyes again.

"Sure...she's feng-le as all hell and them becomes normal...ish but let's forget the hours you spend talking and how you kiss her forehead everything you leave, how you refuse to call her mei-mei and call her 'my little Albatross' from time to time." Mal rubbed his neck wincing. "Either you like her or you're leading her on." Simon growled and Mal sighed.

"Fer the last time, I'm not tryin' to take advantage of yer sister." Mal thought hard. What did he feel for River? Respect foremost, awe and a fondness for her. But did he love her...or even have some of those feelings? He thought of how he danced with her and how he told her to lean on him if she needed. He was always defending her, always protecting her, worrying and telling her it was ok for her to be herself with him. He'd gone to Miranda for her. It smacked him in the face.

He loved her.

Sure she was strange and used to be unstable but she loved _Serenity_ and loved the crew. She earned her keep and tried to keep to herself. He liked that she was honest, sometimes brutally so, and was open. He liked that she respected everyone enough to try and give them their space. She'd almost left for them.

She never once judged him.

"I love her." Mal whispered brokenly. Simon gave him an uncertain look.

"Shen me?" Mal gulped.

"I love her Doc. I love River." Someone choked and laughed.

"Good, she loves you too." Mal spun and caught River as she flew at him, resulting in a clumsy kiss that had them both laughing against the other's lips. "I love you Malcolm Reynolds. Dong ma?" she asked sternly and he chuckled with a mock solute.

"Shi bao bei." Mal grinned. "_Gorramit_, I've been wantin' ta say that fer a very long time." River's smile warmed him from the inside out.

"Oh so WE can't be together but the CRAZY_ GIRL _and you can be?" Inara yelled in betrayal. River cringed as her thoughts screamed at her. Mal held her protectivly.

"Focus on me bao bei." he soothed. She nodded and Mal looked at Inara. "Ya know why we can't be together 'Nara, an' ya know it's not cuz I didn't like ya." The Companion glared and crossed her arms.

"So this is all MY fault?" Mal sighed.

"I dunno 'Nara is it a crime ta want a woman all ta yerself when ya lover her? I don't share." Mal growled and she frowned, still looking betrayed.

"But why her?" she cried and Mal looked at her woman in his arms. A tiny smile was on her face.

'_Ya know what I'm gonna say.' She grinned._

_"_I like to hear you say it." she said softly and Inara looked confused.

"Inara how many times have ya judged what I do ta keep me and mine in the Black, ta keep my boat runnin' and my crew food? How many times have ya takin' shots at my character jus' fer fun? I know I ain't much better but 'Nara I do what I have ta so I can get by. Ya make an honest living sure but with men and women who either can't get a date or are sick of their marrages. I don't wanna wonder who my bao bei is with and what the hun-dan is doin' ta her." Inara glared.

"You'll never have secrets. Never have a moment where she can't hear you. No privacy." River flinched and Mal chuckled.

"Then there won't be any misunderstandin's with there?" River gave him a hopeful smile and he nodded. "'Nara I love River. That ain't gonna change. Until she don't want me, I'll be by her side." Inara sobbed and River sighed.

"I am sorry." Inara jumped and glared at her but River just looked at her with sad eyes. "Really I am. But after everything...if you knew him a litte, you'd understand that what you do is a betrayal to loyalty." the Companion looked shocked. "It should be one man, one woman in a normal relationship. Insted you ask that he turn away from everything he's been taught to conform to you. but if he were to do the same you'd be insulted." River glared. "You call him a barbarian but in reality he has more honor than most in his buisness. He's not perfect but no one is. You can't ask him to change his values, not when they're a fundamental part of what makes him Mal." Mal looked down at her with a warm smile.

"I think that's best compliment anyone has payed to me an' my character bao bei." Inara's lips trembled.

"He should be MINE." she spat. River smirked.

"'_The wind blows north, he goes northerly._ He's nobody's but the Black's. You can't claim what you've never had." she stated frankly. Inara finally back down, realizing she was beatten.

"What about you River? He isn't your's either?" the younger woman shrugged with an easy smile.

"That depends on him. I don't claim what I do not own. If he wishes to be claimed them I will. It's always been his dessision." Mal blinked and looked down at her.

"Let's make this abundantly clear. I am yours and you are mine. Until ya want me gone, yer stuck with me darlin'." He sighed. "As fer the claimin', I'll look at it as yer barrowin' me from the Black. It won't mind." he joked and River smiled.

"Ok." Mal's answering grin made River laugh quietly and Inara could only stare at the couple. Finally she understood. It wasn't just beauty the man was after. it was loyalty, intelligence...a flair for life that made someone treasure each day. And maybe he was looking for someone who was just a little broken too so he could complete that empty part in him. Inara took a step back with sad eyes.

"Ok...I'm sorry. Congratulations to you both." she said quietly and walked away. Simon looked between the defeated Companion and his sister.

"Are you really sure?" she glared at Simon.

"YES you boob go find Kaylee!" she snapped and he ran off before she could (figurativly) behead him. Mal chuckled and turned to her.

"Ya know...they'll be talk?" River shrugged.

"It's no different then when they think. Let them." he nodded slightly and grinned.

"I love you River." she smiled brightly at her captain.

"I love you too Mal." the two kissed softly before she pulled away. "Just where are we headed Captain Reynolds?" she asked and Mal shrugged.

"I was thinkin' Triumph as long as I don't end up with another random wife." River laughed.

"Don't worry I'll protect you this time." she teased and Mal nodded.

"I'll hold ya ta that bao bei. I ain't comin' on this ship with another stow away." she laughed and the two left for the helm, happy to be together at last.

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><p>wow that only took forever! anyway hope everyone enjoyed it! R&amp;R. i would apprisiate no flames...it's my first one!<p> 


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